Regret, Disappointment and…

​I’m sitting here at the Twin Lakes Aid Station during the Leadville 100 miler. I’ve seen tears of happiness, sadness, pain, regret, disappointment and many other emotions…
I’ve been humbled by the experience. I’m scared, nervous and I’m more motivated than I’ve ever been to eat cleaner, run faster, work harder and give up every other excuse for why I’m not getting better.

The universe has given an opportunity to prove that my system works. The opportunity to show that with high enough goals, enough action and relentless persistence anything is possible.

I have been sitting here watching people miss the time cutoff at mile 40. My heart is absolutely shattered for them. I can’t help but wonder why I was put here at this exact time. I’ve been wondering if it’s to prep me for disappointment or to present a wake up call for the next year.

I’ve had my ups and downs the last month or so. Everytime I think I’m taking steps forward, I take three times as many backward. I have seen more disappointment, set backs, and missed opportunities in the past month than I’ve seen in the last year. I can’t help but think and wonder why I’m sitting here today.
I think I’m a bad ass. (I think we are all bad asses!!!) I know I’m a hard worker. I can’t help to think that I have the will to push through the pain, suffering, training and everything else that comes with ultra running.

Maybe I have been lacking direction or a real plan of action. Maybe I didn’t realize what I was getting myself in to or how hard it’s really going to be. Maybe I’ve been lacking the knowledge of what it really takes to run Leadville in under 25 hours.

There’s a reason I’m sitting here watching people come up short on their goals… Maybe it’s preparing me for future failure. Maybe it’s to give me the fear I need to put in the extra effort everyday. I hope it’s to show me some direction and give me guidance for the future to push me toward my goals. I hope it’s to show me what happens when I take my goals for granted and lose focus and direction.

I’m scared to death and I can’t help but second guess myself. I can’t help but wonder what I was thinking signing up for a 100 miles. As I sit here and continue watching runners pour in with their disappointment and dismay, I hope that I can learn a few things now so it makes the daily disappointments, failures, pain worth just a little bit more to me. I hope I can remember this moment for the rest of my life because we learn the most through failure and coming up short.

I commit to myself right now that whether I successfully complete my goal or fall flat on my face, I promise I will take every step forward toward my goal of finishing Leadville in under 25 hours and I will eat like I should everyday, run with every ounce of energy I have, develop a new level of focus and I will become the hardest worker I know so in a year from this weekend I can cross the finish line in a way in a way I can be proud of myself.

It’s going to be an EPIC Journey and I’m more ready than I’ve ever been.

Run Epic my friends!

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Categories Running

1 thought on “Regret, Disappointment and…

  1. You can do it – just keep taking those FORWARD steps. August was a tough month for a lot of people I know who are working on their health and fitness. Keep working! : )

    Like

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