I’ve had a lot of people ask me what it was like during my 100. I’ve tried to process everything so I could give the most honest account I could and I’ve had a really hard time processing everything. For a while it seemed like a dream. Then it turned to a blur… It took me a few more days than usual for the post-race blues to hit, but they did and it rocked my world… I didn’t want to do anything, and I mean anything… This week I’ve done everything that is against my norm… eating out, drinking way more than usual, I’ve felt out of it, bored, I haven’t worked out or even taken a walk. I have done zero physical activity… It isn’t even because I can’t. Other than the blisters on my feet, I have felt great since I woke up Tuesday morning. Mentally though, my world has been turned upside down.

Just a clarification, I don’t remember writing part one of my race report… To be entirely up front, it was a result of a bottle of Fireball mixed with a couple beers and sleep deprivation. I don’t remember writing it and have only read it once after some people asked me some questions about it… So I decided I should write this one in a food coma instead…

Buffalo Run 100- Here we go.

As you all know I have been scheduled to run Leadville 100 since July of 2016. I won the lottery coin after I finished Silver Rush and I have been super excited ever since! I’ve known LT100 is going to be a major challenge and will be an epic adventure, but I’ve wanted to help myself accomplish it by taking any action I possibly could. Through October I was rocking shit! I was running a ton, my body was in the best shape of my life, I felt great mentally, and everything was going my way. By the end of October I knew I wanted to get a 100 mile race out of the way as a preparation for Leadville. So after a lot of investigation, I found Buffalo Run in Utah. It was spaced out far enough I could put in the training needed to finish it and I knew I had 5 months to recover and prepare for LT100. I signed up and away I went!

November hit and I crashed… I crashed mentally. I crashed physically. I become distracted by some personal things and I lost it… I was physically beat up. My body said it was done. I was distraught mentally. I lost my will to run. I lost the will to workout. I didn’t want to get out of bed… I sure didn’t want to eat like I should. I started drinking, a lot. After Thanksgiving I felt like I had hit the bottom and was on my way up but things began to spiral out of control even faster… I was cutting my runs short. I was making excuses about why I could miss this run or it would be ok to cut this run short. I was over sleeping and missing workouts completely… My cross training suffered as I had moved from CrossFit to something else. I started to miss CrossFit but didn’t want to go back for some personal reasons… I wasn’t eating well and I was drinking even more on a daily basis. I was lost and out of control as Christmas hit. I wasn’t myself anymore. It was if I had become this other person…

January came along and I was excited because I felt the winds beginning to change for the better. I had a fresh start and plenty of time to prepare for my 100. Then, my IT Band collapsed… It hurt. It hurt so bad I couldn’t walk let alone run… It hurt to cross train. It even started hurting while I was swimming… I went then entire month of January without one solid positive workout. I was scared… I had lost everything I had been building up to the last year and I could see it all going out the window… I couldn’t get my head straight. My body was dwindling into a big lump of pain and my mind was gone. I was mentally lost. I was missing my blog, I wasn’t working on Run Epic, I was alienating my family, I couldn’t sell a car to save my life. I was not the same person. I was a lost soul bouncing through the abyss… I couldn’t concentrate on anything for months.

Toward the end of February I fell into the deepest depression I’ve ever been in. I was lost. I was not the same person I was 6 months ago. I was changing and I didn’t know what was going to happen. I was not this unstoppable force I was used to. I was distracted and distraught by all these feeling and emotions and felt like I had lost control of everything. There was a point I didn’t want to get out of bed. I could have cared less what the world had to offer… I just wanted to run away but my body wouldn’t let me. I felt like my hands and feet were tied and I couldn’t get loose from hold. I couldn’t run so the few miles I did get in were more like power hiking. I had gone back to CrossFit for a couple weeks, but was only getting about 2 days a week in. My body hurt so I would skip swimming and go straight to the hot tub… I felt like I was letting my chance to finish Buffalo Run slip right through my fingers. I was watching it happen right in front of me and I couldn’t do anything about it…

The beginning of March freaked me out. I saw the calendar turn and realized how close my race was. It hit me how unprepared I was for it. I lost it mentally. I made a lot of swift changes in my life out of complete fear. I was afraid I was going to snap and I didn’t know what was going to happen or who was going to be in the way. About a week into March, after I had made some changes, I began to relax a little. I thought about quitting a couple times and not even showing up in Utah but those thoughts were short lived. I knew from the beginning that I would rather show up and fail than quit before I start. And if there is one thing I know, one philosophy I have followed is that the first step is ALWAYS the hardest, but it is the most important. If I can take the first step then all I have to do is take another and then another. I know that if I take things One Step at a Time and never give up, I will accomplish my goal. So that’s what I did. I made the trip and started the race. I didn’t know what I was doing or how things were going to go, but I knew I wasn’t going to quit before I started. I knew I was going to show up and give my best. So that’s what I did. I took the most important step and started.

To be continued…