Watching. Waiting. Wondering…

Watching. Waiting. Wondering… It is not the unknown that scares me most today…

I stepped on the plane in Seattle and I couldn’t help but wonder what is about to come… I’ve become a custom to this feeling, having more and more of these “unknown” experiences. I keep waiting and wishing for a hint or a clue… hoping to see just one ounce as to what is to come, seeing what lies in my path… I have felt lost for so long, seeming to have no path or direction. I have felt as though something is coming but not knowing what is about to happen, I feel my body floating along wishing the wind would guide me along all the while my mind goes drifting into thin air hoping to catch a breath.

With every turn comes another dark path leading me along, giving me only enough light to take the next step forward. I take the next step with blind faith and a belief in myself that with the next step I will land on solid ground long enough to take another step, then another, then another… I have wandered this path for so long I don’t know any other way to live, always waiting and wandering has become the norm I feel. The uncomfortable feeling of the unknown has taught me to live with fear in my heart and fearlessness in my action. Knowing with the wrong step, heartbreak is waiting ahead at any moment.

Today is no different. I look out my window and watch mountains for as far as I can see. It appears to be a metaphor even a fiction writer couldn’t see. I have run to the top of mountains looking for answers to questions I didn’t even know existed, yet the one day I need to climb a mountain is the one day I can only stare from afar and wonder what puzzle pieces the universe will sit in front of me moving forward…

 

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